Dr. Y Not paced back and forth in front of the class. The sunlight warmed the side of his cheek. "The peridontal area he thought should be scrubbed" He could still feel the remnants of several cookies coating his crown and enamal. He rubbed his tounge on the outside of his upper molars and flicked it gingerly around a heavily plauqued area on the inner most side of his bottom molars.
He peered out at the class and adjusted his lab coat which for all the world bore a myriad of colors. Actually it looked kind of pre-sixties. In actuality it was an incomplete laundry of a ball point pen misadventure.
"My goal;he surmonized is to identify you the student. I as an instructor need to identify what, you might ask?
Any volunteers? Dr Y Not waited an appropiate amount of time and when no one not even Hilda the acne scarred mosh pit woman and part time devil worshipor answered he answered in a disappointed tone. "Details". It helps me to predict the outcome based on your wonderfully detailed essays.In you class I expect you to argue using statements. These statements need to strenghthen your reading selections that you have composed. I need you to learn the ability to seperate Fact from Opinion.
Your attitude is very important;Dr Y. Not continued.
Use your fortitude, your persausive techniques".
Dr. Y not took a small break. He looked at his personal electric guitar HotRod addition time piece autographed series Brian Setzer Stray Cats addition.
There were so many colloquial phrases to analize. Affixes, prefixes root words. Texts, bulletins,newsletters, outlines and graphic organizations.
Dr. Y Not's Playstation2i-linkPETAscreen2screendiagnosticsystolic/dystoliccommunicatiodevice flashed softly.
In conclusion class;Dr. Y Not truncated effect me with your context." Dr Y Not gave them the good bye look as Steely Dan would say and they like well trained pigeons awaiting a daily dose of Niacin bowed their heads into their respective books.
Dr. Y. Not moved to a corner of the room and pulled his message chair quietly across the floor and sat down setting the device on Total Fitness in the background Jearing GI-joe Doll & The Cold 1 Baby barked off "Attention on Tape Deck- Sargent Rock The House!" Music and Medicine compliment each-other thought Dr. Y Not wistfully a perfect combination. The Later being the co-enzyme needed to absorb life!Yes, this is Dr Y Not. Y Not realized it was Wine-O by the indicator. What can I do for you WINE-O? After a breif silence Dr Y Not chuckeled into the phone. You mean flavanoids."
The Aggregate.
Dr. Y Not held a container of seeweed in his hand and continued to talk into the chair. WINE_O are you taking care of your health. You do realize that you've got to ease up on the sugars. Depleters they're called! Its just that alcohol and sugar as well as smoking deplete the body of many needed nutrients and vitamins including Thiamine. Your just playing with your health if you don't realize it. Oh we all do. There was another long silence as Dr. Y Not stared into space.Kelp! he exclaimed. Whales and Seagulls have been living off it since they were created. One day Kelp farming will be fully realized. Its the future. Our oceans are in a deplorable state. Hey I've got an idea.
I've been thinking about Trader's alot lately and they've always got alot of things down there that are good for you.
I was in Whole Foods the other day when it hit me. Biotin!
There was another long silence. Biotin! Dr. Y Not exclaimed.
Thats not the only thing. There's also B1, B5,B6D,B12,A. Beware of the Yeastmy freind! Dr. Y not seemed beside himself as he continued to rattle things off into the side of his chair. His feet tapped against each-other lightly as he folded them into a yoga movement while continuing to eye his class. I can't talk freely WINE-O I have a class right now. Dr Y Not peered over at Hilda.
The smell of sulfer eased into the air and surrounded the top of her dyed hair. The smell of sucess, she muttered.
Listen things are going too fast here I can't talk think about Biotin and I'll meet you ON RAVEN STREET for a round what do you say?
There was another long silence and then,
FINE. OH Wine-O leave the particulars with my Nurse. While your doing that set yourself up with an appointment. I need to know that your taking care of yourself.
Hilda! A bright flash blinded the room while the fire bell rang. Dr Y Not grabbed the fire extinguisher with one hand and dailed 911 by speaking into the chair. Everyone Hilda has decided that class is now over. Will everyone please leave their desks at this time and calmly and quietly leave using the fire exits. Dr Y not closed all available doors and when the fire was extinquished he closed the front door and followed his class out of the building.
Temper, Temper.
"If you had your druthers which would you prefer,halibut or sushi?"Dr Y Not looked at the menu intently.Taking slow and deliberate sips WINE-O continued to come up with alternative selections.How about Soy? It's wonderful and it's full of Biotin."
"Yes I agree, chuckeled Dr Y Not? It has just as many micrograms of Biotin as Liver. So, you've come around to my way of thinking in that short space of time?"
Speaking of liver replied Dr. Y Not how's yours doing?
I was rather hoping that you would tell me that after I had my check up. "Splendid, a remarkable change in a short period of time I could'nt be happier."
"So how the Wine business?"
"We are expanding. I've got more retail clients than I did last month. The important thing is that you can't forget the little liquor stores. The corner grocer's and the all night marts. They are the foundation to dominant winery.
Oh don't get me wrong. It's great to have a huge supermarket chain like Zeffell's or Flaggstaff touting your labels, however it's homies like GinMart and 1/2 a liter that keep you in the public eye. The white collar's and the blue pass in the aisle between 12 midnight and 4 Am"
WINE-O adjusted his dark purple sunglasses and reached over the back of the booth to select another downloaded classic.
"Why can't they ever get anything right in the record business he declared.With that he motioned over one of the waitresses. Dr Y Not continued to look at the menu. A beta salad with bean curds sounded interesting. The waitress walked over to the side of the booth and with a portable palm in her hand looked over at WINE-O. What can I get for you gentleman? "First thing you can do for me is find out why there is no distinction between The Artist Formally Known as & Prince. Don't you know the history of that band?
There are two people making up the music. I can't believe that your establishment is going to mish mosh both of the performers together it's unbelieveable!"
The booth directly across from WINE-O contained nothing more than a conversation between two people. The booth itself was empty.
"I thought you could handle it!"
"Handle what?"
"Where are we for one thing?
In a room with people. I think it's obvious that I really thought you could handle being invisable."
"Mistakes happen all the time around you!"
Well at least we can get something to eat, nobody can see either one of us so we don't have to pay.
"hey where's the waitress?"
Nobody can see you, can they hear you?
Of course they can.
"I can't figure out how you did this to me. My life was just Okfine before you showed up."
Relax. Listen There are some voices directly across from us. When they order I'll slip over there and add a couple of extra plates to the bill, then we'll eat and go see a movie!"
Eat and go see a movie? What in the hecks are you going to do about being invisable?
We're actually naked and there is no proof to me that this is not another one of your stupid ideas!
Stupid is not a nice word.
Look I can't relate to you anymore. I mean most people don't come up with as many dumb ideas as you do on a regular basis. I can't hang out with a person that thinks that it's fun for me to sit naked in a resturant and steal food from peoples orders, cheese fries are good, - at any rate, I think it's time for some autonomy.
How long have we been freinds?
Freinds?
I've never been freinds with you , I just have always tolerated you.
You mean you talked me into getting naked and invisable and now you're telling me that you have been tolerating me all this time. What about me?
Quiet down , I think the voices across from us are getting ready to order.
Get cheese fries.
Negative get your own order it's part of your autonomy.
You go into the list marked things I can't handle.
Hey it's WINE_O the beverage magnetic. He's the instant sucess story in Better Business this Month. In spite of some of the negative effects of ethenol he still came out financially better then alot of the soda and beverage companies. "
So what are you now a wine groupie, you to get his autograph?
How boring.
Listen forget this whole idea about the food.
I'm going over there.
"You could be a problem."
The conversation continued for a while longer much to a very bewildered waitress.
She stopped and stared at the empty booth and then readjusted her headphones and walked back into the kitchen.
Wow, it looks like he's got some sample packs of his latest wine-o drink with him.
I'm going over to the table.
Wine-o continued to flip through the music sampler stopping to explain the real story behind some of the acts as he programmed his way through their selection.
The waitress looked up from her notepad hey are'nt you in one of the magazines?
Wine-O looked from underneath a veil of non chalance, she does read.
No not really I just came from the martshop across the street. I thought I saw a picture of you though.
Wine-O ; Dr Y not exclaimed you did'nt tell me you did a magazine, wow. I impressed.
Better Business this month; replied WINE-O. I did'nt want to bore you with shop talk.
I've got a new flavor and it's non alcoholic; replied WINE-O. It's not like I can give up on the grape, but the figures are impressive and the taste is virtually the same. So it's just smart business. Besides I've got catch revenue from the growing poll of people that continue to read health and fitness reports.
The secret is in my ingredients which I keep in check. WINE-O leaned over and asked the waitress to bring a pitcher of cold water in a clear glass urn.
This additive is the element that changes water into my latest flavor.
Dr Y not looked on in amazement. What' s the name of it.
I just told you.
When the pitcher arrived WINE-O mystically directed Dr Y not to look.
O.I C; said Dr Y Not.
I'm in a good mood declared WINE-O as he turned to adjust the volume on the music sampler. Life is getting predictable. Good and predictable.
"Now close your eyes!"
When the pitcher arrived the glass was ice cold and droplets of moisture beaded on the surface. Two long stemmed glasses were placed on the fresh linen table.
"WINE-O checked to see that Dr Y Not's eye's were closed and then he announced.
No wine before it's time! Now savor the flavor!"
Just as he spoke CONTROVERSY came in over the surround speakers that enclosed the pair.
WINE-O poured two glasses full.
"Hey"
"What"?
"They are not ordering food they're drinking water.
"It's not water it's my latest flavor, I told you the guy is some kind of sucess story with his wines."
The pair of voices walked over to the table.
"Wine-O"; continued to speak.
"You can look now, tell me what you think of the taste."
Wine_O called the waitress over to the table and ordered two more glasses.
My compliments he said as he instructed the waitress to pour two more additional glasses at the table directly across from.
You know WINE-O that it takes years to test a product sometimes ten full years of intensive research. I did'nt realize you had all that talent? How do deal with the testing process?"
"I have'nt had that much of problem with my products. I deal with only that which is reliable. This is my latest flavor. No wine before it's time! Savor the flavor!
"Cheer's. Dr Y Not brought the glass from the table and looked at it underneath the over head lights. Its clear.
It's water taste it. It's my latest flavor.
As Dr Y Not continued to look at the glass with his own instruments the pair of voices walked back over to the empty booth.
As the fluid began to disapate from the two glasses the pair continued to converse.
"That was weird! I thought you said that we were invisiable."
We are for now , it's just a matter of time before I figure out how to reverse it, in the meanwhile we might as well eat and see a movie!
What is this he orders two glasses and you claim that we're invisiable.
I'm naked and I can't handle being with you naked. Can you handle this?
Relax, we'll eat see a movie and then I' ll figure out how this happened.
Skoal.
The pair continued unseen to consume the fluid in both glasses.
Dr Y Not put the glass down without putting it to his lips.
I still feel as though it should be tested somehow. You must share your secret with me.
WINE_O leaned back in the booth enveloped in a purple lighting strobe that flashed from over head the sampling machine.
In the middle of one of the selections he peered across the table at the two half finished glasses.
"From whence you were return before you became"
Dr Y Not looked up from his glass.
WINE_O turned off the purple lighting and motioned for the Dr to follow him outside of the resturant.
Two extremely weary ladies in their late fifties wearing bowling shoes and walked into the resturant and demanded to be seated.
"Honey, I want to sit down. My feet are killing me. The day I wait to be seated is going to be cold day. Lookey there, that table with the empty glasses is just fine just send somebody over to the table to wipe it off. Heck from here it looks clean enough.
Both ladies wore spandex pants that barely made it to mid calf. One had a happy dog dancing on the side of the leg. The other one had huge runs in the front both were marred with static cling and pet hair strands from mid neck to mid knee.
The waitress winced as the odor of both women finally made it's way past her. It was a mixture of brut and lemon pledge.
"I'm telling you murt my feet are killin me and I 'm hungry enough to handle an all you can eat plate!
"You need to quit. Why don't we just share something that way we can each get half the calories. How about a big bowl of measy beans topped with silly green muck topped with half and sour cream. A huge order of diagonal chips refried and two glass of diet soda.
Sounds like a winner. Murt kicked off her bowling shoes and her co pilot winced.
Whew! You feet smell like ten pounds of county fair popcorn a week after it's over.
Go to the sink, woman and remove that foot stink!
I'll watch the table it's not going to run away.
Murt, conceded and took both her bowling shoes in one hand as she slid out the side of the table.
Fair is fair.
Don't grab any soap and take it with you either, I hate that!
Fine, I don't have to tell you how I softened your face then do I?
Oh get some face cream if they have some murt they can afford it.
Don't eat everything dribil. Neither one of you.
My feet may stink, however, at least I don't have two personalities with one of them suffering from turrets syndrome and the other one is you.
I can't say that I hear anything today except the groan coming from your bowels.
What are you saying I did'nt ...
You did'nt fart, Murt you ..
It's your other personality again making up things smelling things and hearing things again. Don't do anything strange wait till I get back your more entertaining then a movie once you two get going. Maybe after we eat , all of us, I'll take you both down to the store and buy you different outfits so I can tell which one you nuts I'm speaking to"
"Well I never heard anything so disgusting in my life. I'd never do anything on top or under this table with either one of you."
"You two make my day; replied Murt. I really gotta go to the powder room save some of the conversation until I get back. I like you better then the soaps I'm serious, in a pinch I 'd go see you to see which one of you I was talking to.
Murt waved at the empty space next to her friend and said don't change your personality with any medications honey just stay the way you are, I'll always be your freind. Now chill out there ain't nobody in the booth with you except air itself and I'll go wet my dogs."
Murt walked off in the direction of a surprized waiter and called off the entire order, under her breath in a low tone she continued to speak to the waiter. She rubbed her left foot with her right foot as she spoke.
"Listen, your kinda cute, can you do me a favor?
The waiter surprised by her appearence wrote the order down and asked other than the order how he could help.
My girl-freind over there is S I C K, I mean she is the get well soon variety. She's NUTS, loopey, dizzy, loco moco S-N-A-P-P-Y. She gets to order out and even when she's alone it still comes in two different sizes with two different people , what I mean is she frenic, skitzo, bonkers. She would'nt hurt anybody she just odd like that.
Don't worry if she starts talking loud or doing something like that. She's liable to have a whole conversation by herself, poor thing. She does'nt have the gene structure like me. She can't handle it.
Would you keep an eye on her so she don't walk off like those Milk carton people. Crazy woman is my deepest concern to find her on the back of some goat milk carton lost and confused have you seen this woman.
She aint on medication or nothing. Every once in while though she'll slip away.
You know. She's WIERD.
People is like that. Me I've known her for years. She used to be so normal.
I aint one to share personal business. Getting out and seeing a movie and eating bowling is good for her.
I won't be gone long, she aint gonna do nothing strange I told her not to.
Both of them.
Murt chuckled and walked over towards the restroom and then disappeared behind the contact papered door.
"I would not!"
"No"
Neither one of you!"
If I ever hear anything like this again I'll call the manager, as a matter of fact I think I will.
Attendant! BusBOy! Waiter!
Three employee's rushed to her table. A mysterious voice ordered a huge Salad with Desert and extra whip cream.
Two of the people were grabbed by unseen hands and pushed off in the direction of a huge throng of patrans carrying balloons and wearing velcro strip sneakers. They all had just gotton off of a bus and were milling around the please wait to be seated sign.
The manager quickly changed the prices and informed the new guests that they would be happy to serve them.
The harried bus driver continued to make plans with a cute waitress asking for her phone number.
"I've got this tour bus full of people, but it's going to be empty soon. That's what I wanted to talk to you about......"
"Ladies and Gentleman the resturant welcomes your patronage. If you'll just give us a moment to adjust the tables and the price er seating arrangements and of course we have a few; he lowered his voice and stared at a few of the lower priced tables; dead beats!"
WINE O looked at the growing crowd of people filling up the entrance to the resturant. Dr Y Not continued to look at the new drink under the light of his portable bunson light.
This device emitted the same light and heat of a bunson without the flame.
"I just don't see it WINE- O my freind. I can't believe that you got it together without me. Products take years of testing. There are contraindications. Side effects. Why there are so many things that one has to consider.
I congratulate you on your newest flavor however I have to wonder is it sane?
THIS PLACE; replied WINE-O.
"Why do you think Warner Bros fired The Artist and kept Prince? I'll tell you why because they realize it's two different people that's why.
What your saying about side effects is true. Beverages carry that kind of a problem. For me I have not had those kinds of problems. I made my money and I fill the shelves.
This my newest flavor does carry a sort of supernatural side effect.
"I thought so, how could you bring something untested into my life and the lives of others?
What I mean is the side effect renders the user seen.
Seen?
Yes.
So What?
Well let's say that you were invisiable.
Invisable!
It happens. People are trying to steal my flavors all the time. There's lot's of competition in the industry.
The table directly across from Dr Y Not & WINE-O continued to trip.
Let's move this food over.
Yeah.
Hey that waitress looks cute let's get her over here.\
Oh miss, would you mind sending some more whip cream over to our table.
Yes. Whip cream. And cherries.
Cherries?
Why not?
Well I think that we should do it on the table...
A crowd was forming now the density of the weary travelers was filling every nook and cranny.
"I can't think about eating here old freind, it's getting packed. What do you say that we vacate the scene?
Your the boss;replied WINEO, I'd still like to hear this song PRIDE & JOY."
WINE-O looked at his wristwatch and continued to humm the tune over and over.
PRIDE AND JOY......
The electronic beat of the drum machine rattled in his booth.
"WINEO!"
Let's go.
The pair left their table and made their way through the dense crowd of patrons.
Excuse me, Pardon me.
As the pair left the glass door closed behind them.
"Security!" a loud voice bellowed over the intercom.
Two waitresses and two waiters ran over to a table and threw a wet table cloth over two oddly naked men. Call the police!"