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The walls of the art gallery reverberated in white color balance as the noon day sun edged shadows away as if they were being swept with a small wisk broom. Actor #1 is standing in front of a wall with movie posters hanging on it. During this time the actor is filmed with a X/O, with this shot you can see an expression of nonsense and deep concern. The next shot is C/U again another facial expression from our actor. The third is an eye-level followed by a cutaway. The 1st step is playing against the white wall. It is blown up to about the height of a movie poster. The various facial expressions of our actor are nifty, charming, angry, and finally confused.
At this very moment our secound actor is entering the scene.There is a CU of his hands telegraphing, each pocket is being searched for an unseen and unknown item. Our second actor is walking at a brisk pace and carrying a backpack. Still telegraphing with his hands he reveals a nifty pair of pants and a computer diskette. This entire process is being eyed ruefully by our 1st Actor. There is a (cutaway) of a pair of shoes, then a dolly out of feet walking.
Actor #1- "Did you lose something?"
Actor #2 -(knee shot) Huh!? at this point Actor #2 pushes the nifty pants out of sight and closes the bag. Holding on to the diskette slips it into his bag.
[CUT]
Newsenterview Actor #1 is holding on to a microphone marked WEIRD. Actor #2 looks at the newscaster(Actor #1) and exclaims- "Oh no!" standing as he speaks this line.
[cut}
The scene is now returned to normal the interview attire is gone from Actor #1.
Actor #1- (vector) See that Movie poster up there? (upward tilt)
Actor #2- (apprehensive) Yes (bust shot)
Actor #1 (OS) "I'm in that movie. As a matter of fact I wrote the title and concieved and directed a scene for a legal statement.
Actor #2- Wow! I saw it in the papers. I never thought that I would meet anybody connected with the film. Is that your name up there underneath it?
[cut]
This scene is dementedly like a panal and host television show. Both actors are attired and seated respectively in the guest and host seating arrangement. Of course the microphones are marked WEIRDLY SO.
Actor #2- (hurridly)" No" (OS)
Actor #1- I didn't have a contract just a legal statement-er hey so how do you like the movie?"
[cut]
This demented scene has now changed and resembles some of the female talk-show host Jen jen , Sally Sally, GoTEl Mon ect.
Actor #2- "Well meeting somebody makes me want to see the movie wheres it playing?"
Actor #1- Too late. Finished! Over and done with. The only thing left are these posters (vector)(pan) why oh why do people wait until the last minute to see a first class movie? You see the white face deal was my idea. Kinda of a justaposition with all the trash in Hollywood and the world in general- makes you kinda think that hiding behind a reverse Al Jolsen will make it all better. Gives you the impression from the artistic sense- (cutaway) [Alley]
narrator: that trash exists in the urban city- while giving the white face a tails and tux motif. "Kinda like [cut}
narrator: Super Mouse". This demented scene has once again changed how weird. Now we find ourselves in a living room. There is a nice sofa and chair and a huge rat tail moving across the rug into the next room. A huge explosive snap is heard and reverbed. Finally a furry arm hands the trap back out of the door way. Narrator continues:-Gives the character a sense of power, strength and compensates for any wardrobe descrepencies. That's why I jumped out of the trash can for the legal statement.
Powerfull isn't it?
Actor #2- "Intriguing"
Actor# 1 - Hey listen to me yarn on and on and I'll invite you to a viewing of my latest creation via the internet!
Actor#2- "Really"
(Fade to Black)
WEIRD MAGAZINE BID - Well it seems that these two should be minding their own business liek the thousands of readers that made our book a best seller, lets see how they fare when they can't afford to pay attention."
Scene opens both Actors are engaged in viewing of the internet. As Actor #2 gets further engrossed in the viewingof the internet. (cutaway) Actor #2 deftly opens and lifts Nifty pants and the diskette which Actor #1 previously put into pack. Actor #1 slowly nods off due to hypnotic viewing. Actor #2 replaces the stolen tape with a dupe of his own creation and slips away while Actor #1 falls into a deep head roll.
Some time later Actor #1 is awakened alone and the room is about to close. He reaches for his things and stumbles groggily out of the room and into a long hallway. Along this seemingly endless hallway Actor #2 looks for his Nifty pants only to find them gone! (ls)
Frantically he shakes his things out onto the floor which is empty except for a sign that reads X/CO FIC! DEMENT.GET WELL SOONER!
(AUDIO)
Actor #1 howls into the thin air! Crawls around on hands and knees in a continuous circle with sign (FIC GET WELL SOONER!) clenched between his teeth.
Scrambled Actor #1 searches for his tape (CU) of hand on tape.
(Zoom-0ut) of hand until (MS) of Actor #1 in front of another CRT screen inserts tape into drive and hears this out of the speakers:
(Audio) Written Produced and Performed By 1/2 Crazy.
(XO) Actor #2
They say that beauty is only skin deep.
Its artifical and kinda real cheap.
While ugly is to the bone.
Through the skin'
into the marrow,
its home sweet home.
The latter my freind
is where you fate.
So sit down to the table
step up to the plate.
A big plate, A heaping double portion
of homely hurt number nine.
With a healthy dose of UGLY on the side!
If analoge could digital sample your puss-
on the front of cynide you could reside
you could warn the neighborhood.
That within this bottle in nothing good so beware!
Your dub would never rub off like an unwashed derrier.
Your ugly is what I say.
Stuck on stupid every day.
Just like the seat covers underneath the fattest bottoms at the PTA.
Under a heavy sponge you would survive.
An ENG Team live at Five!
There is nothing rebold in what I say.
U can count on being butt ugly untill your dying day.
To say your day is going CRAZY is THE IDEA OF IT!
Still I'm the tailor with your story so get used to it.
I think your butt ugly that I can't deny. To claim you other than that would be a
big fat lie!
As an artist I can surely paint.
The next Jacket that you wear will be STRAIGHT!
[cut]
Enraged Actor #1 runs out of the room hysterical and crazily zig zagging.[cut] Actor #2 is going into a church, running into an elevator door Actor #1 hysterically and crazily pushes the button with the side of his head by banging it against the button when this does not work Actor #1 runs down an intricate and endless flight of stairs. Up and down escalators and elevators and out of MTA and television studio. (cutaway) Actor #2 (MS) is removing money from donation and making change with it.
(Audio)
Screams and loud yells really big and from the lower diaphram. Plus growls gurrgles and barks. Howls , hoots and any other comic sounds that might evoke a chuckle from the viewers. ex; when kids shreik and laugh while they are chasing each-otehr.
(Audio)
Changing seats and moving with the basket at all times making more change taking larger bills in return for smaller ones. Suddenly Actor #1 chest heaving looking crazy spots Actor #2 upon which Actor #2 takes all the money and deposits it in the basket, makes the sign and runs out of church with actor#1 hot on his heels the pair takes off(dolly-out).
Endless elevator scenes (dolly-in) wherer the door just slams on the other Actor or in one case both end up in the same elevator running around each-other (dolly-in)(pan)
Finally only the pairs shadows can be seen chasing each-other until the two shadows meet and begin to shake eahc-other against the white walls of the art gallery and the cement sidewalk.
Inside final scene
Actor #1 going completely crazy loses all touch with reality and is in the park making handpuppets and shadows
(Fades)
All white room clearly marked UNSANITARIUM
(Audio)
INSERT COMMERCIAL
Weird! We at Weird Magazine BId have written a best-seller. It's entitled How 2 Mind your own Business.
[cut]
Dear Johns Advice Column.
Hello. I'm Dear Johns Advice Column. Do you realize that on a weekly basis, heck maybe even a daily basis I get tons of mail from subscribers asking the same question over and over again.
Dear John how can I mind my own business?
Finally I can tell you how to do it!
This guide, How 2 Mind your own business is the definitive guide. It tells you where to go and how to get there. in TEN count them TEN EASY STEPS. The 1st Step is the most important one. your credit card information! We aren't going anywhere near the information until we have all of that!
Now heres how it works;
Are you tired of beign around people that have their own personal lives? Seem contented and well adjusted to going day after day week after week year into year without so much as a personal inquiry about somebody eleses business?
Feel left out?
Why not do what thousands of Americans and people world-wide are finding otu efery day in this easy to understand, clear and concise guide entitled: How 2 Mind your Own Business. In TEN easy credit card payments or one big one with your checking account, all your credit history or just your credit card, we'll send U the hottest guide that in EUROPE hey look at my lips and learn to read them - EUROPE! stayed on the best sellers listing for 6 months.
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Our operators are standig by, can you see this number?
(cutaway) Dear Johns Advice Column creates a victor points.
[CG] Super; Nonyabusiness.
Narrator:
Once again heres that number!
NUNYA BUSINESS IGNANT!
Narrator:
Our address is:
How 2 Mind your own Business.
U go your way, we'll go ours,
NO LOITERING MARYLAND,
Narrator:
And that zip code?
1 Zero C E N T S G I V A D A M N.
Narrator:
Send for your copy of the hottest guide ever! Don't delay our operators are standing by!
BUY BUY NOW!
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